Feeling Productive

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I’m finally feeling like things are getting done…..

Bridgewater, At Last!  This nearly took a year for me to knit.  It turned out well, and the color in this picture is spot on.  That is a LOT of stitches you’re seeing there.  I know there are flaws in it, but I’m not going to search them out!  Follow the link for the details.  I’m just glad it’s finally done.

Of course finishing a long term project means I have to tidy some other things up too…..

Tiramisu Baby Blanket, all ribboned up.  I love the way this turned out.  The yarn is a little yellower than it’s showing in the photo, but it’s done and ready to be gifted.  Tomorrow, as a matter of fact.  One baby blanket down and one more to go, but I can start that one after I get a few other projects done…..

Cassis by Thea Colman.  Just the collar and a few repeats of the lace so far.  I’m using some Casacade 22o in a light gray that I had in stash from last year WEBS sale -I really  look forward to the cascade sale very year!  It’s knitting up beautifully and I think I’m going to be really happy with this sweater.  I’m making a size 36 – the fronts are a little oversized and I’m not as oversized as I was, and getting smaller each week.  I have a closet-full of hand knits that are already too big for me and I’m determined to make the knits that I’ll be wearing in my newer, smaller version of me.  It’s probably just a size smaller than I am right now but I’m comfortable with my choice in sizes – a little bit big won’t be bad and I’m looking forward to getting a lot of use out of this one!

As far as the unbelievable shrinking me….I have to say, I guess since I’ve lost over 30 pounds it is starting to be noticeable ( still look in the mirror and see photo’s of myself and see FAT, but truthfully, not as fat as I was).  I’m no stranger to diets.  I’ve tried most of the ones out there.  They all work.  People are starting to ask me “how did you DO THAT?” Like I’m going to tell them the ultimate, weight loss secret.

I am.

The big secret is……..There is no secret.  None.  Basically, what it comes down to is, I lost weight because I ATE LESS FOOD.  There you have it.  I actually said that to someone and they said “NO, really, what are you doing?????”  Honestly, I understand this completely.  I used to ask the same questions – how did you do it?  Was it hard?  Did it hurt?  How long do you have to diet for?  And what I can tell you is – I ate less, it is hard, it doesn’t hurt as much as you think it will and I’m never going to diet again.  If there is one “trick” it’s this – you don’t go on a diet to lose weight and when you get to where you want to be, stop.  You don’t go on a diet to fix the reason why you’re overweight to begin with.  You don’t go on a diet thinking someone or some company is going to do all the hard stuff for you and you’re going to sit back and just lose the weight.  If you do that, you’ll do exactly what I’ve done time and time again….you’ll gain it back and then some.  I think – and I can’t be sure because how can you see the future, much less how your going to handle all the stress and uncertainty that comes with it – but I think I finally had a moment.  I think the past year of dealing with a lot of my unresolved emotional family issues was sort of a gateway for me being able to realize that I don’t need this “armor” anymore.  That I can find other ways to comfort myself instead of letting food do it.  That things that hurt me in the past, won’t hurt me again and I can let them be.  And it’s ok.  That I can forgive my past and the people in it and I can move on, not necessarily with them in it (that’s not a bad thing either, and just because I forgive doesn’t mean I have to involve myself with them, either) and that’s ok, too.  Amazing.  I will tell you I read the book, Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth and that really put some things into perspective for me.  Sorta stuff I knew already, but you know how it is.  If someone else says it, well it must be ok then.   And I will tell you I’m using Weight Watchers for my food management.  But I’m not dieting.  What I actually did was make a lifestyle change.  Oh yes I did.  I found out that it’s not going to kill me to have a sandwich and not have chips with it!  It’s not going to kill me to eat more fruit and veggies.  It’s not going to kill me to watch my portion size.  It’s not going to kill me, or anyone else for that matter, if I don’t cook that favorite meal that’s full of fat clogging  ingredients.  And it’s ok for me to say NO when someone asks me to eat or cook something I don’t want to have anymore.  It’s ok for me to do that for myself.  Now, will I ever make some of those wonderful, family favorites again?  Of course I will.  But I will make them with more care and conscious of what goes into them.  And they’ll be just a delicious as they were before.  So there’s no miracle.  There is just awareness.   And I”m not saying people who are overweight all have emotional issues.  People are overweight for a million different reasons.  Everyone has different ways of dealing with/not dealing with their eating habits.  This is just mine.  Also – There is no more making excuses – I’d be thinner if I didn’t have so much temptation at work.  I’d be thinner if I had more time to cook healthy.  I’d be thinner if…….well the only person that can change those things is ME.  And if I’m going to use an excuse to have something I really, really want then I’m going to say – I really, really want this.  And not use that one event as a precursor to eat like a fiend for the foreseeable future!  I can have a girls night out and eat things I wouldn’t have on a daily basis.  .  I can go to a party and do the same thing.  I can go away on a long weekend and eat out.    The difference is….when I get home, I get back on track with my new lifestyle.   And that’s that.  This is a tough time of year to head into, but I can do it.  For once I’m looking forward to adding to the pile of clothes that are too big for me to wear and little by little, replacing them with smaller sizes!  And the biggest thing I’m looking forward to?  A healthier me.  A more active lifestyle.   Lower blood pressure.  Less risk of diabetes or heart problems.  Being more comfortable in my own skin, instead of feeling like a little sausage who’s skin is gonna pop!

 

Have a Wonderful Week!

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10 responses »

  1. Love the shawl and baby blanket. I am going off to look up Cassis.

    Lifestyle changes are hard. I’ve been working on some myself. Baby steps work for me, a change at a time. I need to take out my WW materials from last year and start plotting out. Just doing it in my head by memory works some, but I want to get back in losing mode. I need to lose a lot and I learned a lesson while shopping last year. I always pick the largest size and the clerk told me to try a smaller one and she was right, it looked better and now I make better choices while clothes shopping.

  2. It’s so great that you were able to make the decision to be more healthy. It’s tough getting past the emotional stuff, it takes bravery and introspection. Yaay for you!

    … and YAAY for finished projects! I love love LOVE the lace. Tiramasu is beautiful too. Can’t wait to see the next FO =)

  3. Beautiful FO’s! And good for you with the lifestyle change. I had done really well for a while, but recently got off track. Now I’m having a hard time getting motivated to get moving again. My big thing is remembering to eat (my body stays in “starvation” mode a lot and stores everything instead of burning it) and not living off coffee. 2nd big thing is exercising. That’s where I get most of my weight off, but I’m bad about actually doing it. /sigh/

  4. Found your blog today and have been admiring your beautiful projects. Your work is wonderful.
    But I felt that I just had to leave a comment for this post and your lifestyle change. Loved, loved, loved what you wrote, it felt like you were speaking directly to me – thank you.

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