A Whole Roll of Paper Towels


How’s things by you’s?  Good?  Hope so.  Because if you went to bed last night with a DH that was getting sick, only to wake up with a DH who was a bit sicker, I might feel a little bad for you. Sick enough, in fact to stay home from work and all.  I’m thinking I might be feeling a little bad for you all.  But not sick enough to miss out on the Holiday, we hope.  Because the company is still coming. 

And say you went to work, leaving a list of “Things to Do While Mom is At Work”.  And then you were pleasantly surprised when you arrived home to find – holy moly – they did most of it.  That would be a good thing right?  You’d be ahead of the cleaning game so to speak.   Well on your way to the tidy house that was sooooo distant this morning.  Big bathroom – check.  Office/guest room – mostly check.  Dusting – mostly check.  Garbage emptied – check.  Compost out – check.  Now, clean up that mess in the living room – starting with the overflowing DVD basket and then tidy up the bird cages, vacuum and you can be done in no time!!  Before you know it, I’m vacuuming.  Now, I should tell you we have two dogs.  One is blind.  He’s been blind for a little over a year.  He’s got a bladder like a jet gas tank – he can hold a lot.  Why am I telling you this, you’re asking.  You don’t want to hear about my dogs bladder.  Well stop reading now if you don’t want to know,  because here’s where it gets amazing and mostly disgusting. 

I must have scared HBH (His Blind Highness) with the vacuum.

He “emptied that tank”,  from the doorway to the kitchen, across the entire livingroom, narrowly missing my knitting basket and then ended up with an impressive puddle under the big screen TV.  Because he managed to get it through the bottom speaker on the TV.

Yes, I did just write that.  Feel free to laugh your ass off.  Because If I wasn’t yelling F*** at the top of my lungs – all the while he was doing this, I would have been crying. 

See how close I came to getting the cleaning done before sundown?  Did you see it?  I was THIS close. 

And just in case your curious.  It takes 4 people, one roll of paper towels and a swiffer wet jet to clean that up.  In case you should be writing any dog  jokes as in “How many people does it take……”


7 responses »

  1. I hope DH feels better soon – otherwise who will cook the turkey? I don’t want to read about your dog pee problems – or my dogs will hear and think it is a good idea….have a happy Turkey Day!

  2. ROTFL!!! I’m really trying not to laugh and feel appropriately sorry for you, but that was too freakin’ funny!

    I’m potty training the girl-child so pee stories don’t really faze me right now. 🙂

  3. Gah. Gave me the heebie jeebies there with that dog pee story.

    Middle of last night my 3 yo woke up and started crying, grabbing herself, screaming “ow!!” I took her into the hallway, dropped her PJ pants, and took a look thinking I’d see a rash. Barely got a glance when the floodgates opened all over the carpet. VERY nice.

    At least she felt much better after that.

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