Some title…I know. But I had my visit to the urologist (peepeeologist is what I call him) and I have to say. I’m glad it’s over. (especially after picking up a copy of Womens Day Magazine at the Dentists on monday, and having the first real article about Bladder Cancer, WTF?) But I’m ok! But I have to write this down and tell someone about it. So, if you’re having a cystoscopy tomorrow, or next week even, don’t read this. I mean, it’s not that bad, it’s just that you don’t really need to read this – you need to go have your cystoscopy and then you can write all about it too. Now, go click on someone else’s blog….I’ll wait. What are you still doing here?? Go!
Ok, so they bring you into this room with the littlest teeny table I’ve ever seen – although it is like a “transformer” table and will accomodate you, I promise. I ask the CMA (which I can only think stands for “Certified Medical Assistant” and if it stands for something else like “Certified Mental Arse” please don’t tell me, I don’t want to know) K, I ask her, does this hurt? And she, very nice she is, tells me well, have you ever had a catheter? And I say sure, after 28 hours of labor – didn’t feel it. Come to think of it, that really wasn’t the place it hurt during that time, you know? So then she asks me “have you ever had an episiotomy? Good God? It hurts that damn much???? No, no, she’s says, THAT hurts way more than this. And I’d like to think she based her explanation on the fact that I’m a woman who’s had children, but let’s not go down the road of how she would have explained that to a man. Anywho, I’m feeling a bit better, but not enough to turn down her offer of numbing stuff to put on the PP. I raised my hand right fast for that one. Blah, blah, blah, take off everything on the bottom, blah, get on the table, blah, blah, put this paper thin wisp of a drape over you, and please, don’t fart because it will just disentergrate, blah, blah, I’ll be back in a second.
dum, dee, da, da, dooodley dooo, I’m sittin there, and Ms. CMA breezes back in, whips those stirrups up and how-de-doo, I’m in the saddle. Numbing gel goes on, there isn’t even a hint of muzak to make the occasion more memorable. Just as Ms. CMA says “the doctor will be right……in walks the doctor, whom I like very much. He’s very, very comforting, has an excellent bed side, or small table-side manner and he’s FAST as all get out. La de da, how’re doing, and then I’m scoped. And he apologizes for the room temperature water they are putting in my bladder right now – yes, this procedure puts it in, not takes it out. I say, no problem, dude cause I can’t feel anything except like I have to PEE!!! He’s says, that’s ok – it feels that way – k. K. And quicker than you can say take that thing out of my pee pee, it’s out! And everything looks good – (cept my uterus is tipped, but we knew that already and now so do you – I’m not even wondering how he knew that by having a camera in my bladder, but hey, he seems very smart). Okey dokey, the CMA starts cleaning up, I’m sitting on the table waiting for her to leave because I don’t want her to see my ASS (I felt she might have had trauma from all the other stuff she saw already) and she’s cleaning this instrument, which is black and tubey and kinda big. And I say, innocently, that’s not what was just, um, in my bladder is it??????? She’s goes – Yup! And it’s way smaller than a catheter – Holy Sweet Moses. This thing, this scope of all scopes was about the size of the kinda tubing you see in stores that sell fish tank filters, probably a tad smallerish, but not much. I did not know my ureathra could do that. Really. And as I tell this story to my Sissy, who I love very much, because as sure as I’m sitting here writing this, I know she felt my discomfort right to her very own ureathra – because she said – OH MY GOD, STOP, I’M CRAMPING UP!!! And I really only told her it felt uncomfortable, sorta like something big stuck between your toes uncomfortable, that you can’t reach to get unstuck? I don’t know why I thought that, but hey, ureathra – toe? And the water that he said was cold – he wasn’t lying, but it’s cold on the way out, if you know what I mean.
Now, if you didn’t listen to me and are having a cystoscopy and you read this – shame on you. You now need to still go. Not that I would raise my hand, yelling me, me, me, pick me, I want to have that scopy thing again, but you have to have it done just so the doctor can tell you that you’re ok too!
I have to stay on the maintenance antibiotics for 6 weeks and drink lots and lots of water and cut back on caffeine – damn – but he thinks I’m going to be just fine.
Now, tomorrow I have pictures to post from the knit blogger meetup I was so kindly invited to yesterday by Laurie and Amy. We met at Barnes and Noble, and I felt an instant kinship to these two women. They totally made me feel at ease and I had a great time – and I look forward to more meetings. Now, they even saw me drop, like everything I touched off the selves yesterday and I think they still liked me! And if you can’t wait for my picture, go see Laurie’s, taken by the very talented Megan, of Barnes and Noble, who kindly took not just one, but three photo’s for us!!! Oh, and I’ll have some in progress shots of socks, a FO and a baby sweater I’ve decided t knit. And I’ve joined the Mystery Stole Along. I just happen to have a handy – dandy skein of Helen’s lace that has now been appropriated for this project! Yay!